Dread
That's what I've been feeling about seeing this day on the calendar. Now its here. Knowing what I might have been celebrating, it hurts tremendously. I know I should be over this at this point, but its just been hard. Its hard to get over something when you really don't want to, and that's been me for the past nine months. I've been stuck. I've let loneliness creep in so much that at night, sometimes, I feel as if I am suffocating on my own grief. This has been my decision. I haven't gone out at night, I haven't made an effort to put myself out there while I am in the city. Part of the reason is because I don't intend on being here much beyond Christmas, when I will be done with classes and my internship. I won't have any ties to keeping me here, and so I've wanted to minimize the ties I have here. Now I don't really have much beyond the people I work with at the magazine and John, and the people at the magazine will be spreading across the country as well. I know I can make the effort, its just that I feel the need to get into a comfort zone, and right now, the city seems crushing. I feel invisible, and, for the most part, I've done a good job of doing this to myself. Its very difficult, I've been finding, to divest myself from what I hoped would come to pass, and to come to grips with reality. Work has been a distraction, but when I don't bring work home with me, I can get into trouble, and it almost seems that it has been happening more as this day approached. I know I need to get over this, maybe I will soon.

The week has certainly been an eventful one. I thought Stern gave out punishments that fit what went on Friday. Artest, everyone knew, was a ticking time bomb. It was Stephen Jackson who just looke dtotally out of character. He went nuclear on Friday, and this from a person who was not involved in the series last year.

Michigan certainly didn't look good on Saturday, but thankfully, Iowa certainly did.

I want to congratulate everyone involved with Quick Change Room. I enjoyed myself a lot. I also want to thank Bohne, Andy and everyone else in their suite for letting me stay the night on Saturday.